The transcripts....

EDITS: If I edit an area in any of my postings from here on out...it will look like this! PER WIZARDS IDEA...There are direct links to the podcast

podcast 5/16

click here for May 16 podcast

THANKS go out to antecedent for transcribing this for us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Announcer: Coming to you live from your suspicious gut

Singers: DJ Dan

Announcer: You’re listening to DJ Dan, shutting down the man!

DJ Dan: Damn right I’m shutting it down! ‘Cuz they’re lying and I’m not! Welcome, Conspiraspies, to hour two of “you ask, I answer”, caller one…

Dennis: Dennis from Butte (?). Love the show.

DJ Dan: Can’t hide from the truth Dennis. Scam, hoax, or conspiracy…you ask, I answer…

Dennis: OK. How about plate tectonics?

DJ Dan: SCAM! Two words…earthquake insurance. Don’t buy it! Next…

Frank: Frank from Roswell, New Mexico.

DJ Dan: Careful, Frank’s throwing out the subliminal UFO frequencies…you ask, I answer Frank.

Frank: War of the Worlds radio broadcast?

DJ Dan: Oooh, Frank. You little devil. Tonya, my producer at large, what’s your take on that?

Tonya: Hoax.

DJ Dan: WRONG! Conspiracy masquerading as a hoax. That was, what, ah, 1938 Frank?

Frank: Ahh, don’t know. (?)

DJ Dan: SHUTDOWN! It WAS 1938. The first color photos of Mars had just come in and, shock of shocks, the thing looks like a “frackin” Christmas tree. Nothing but red rocks and green heads. Now the US government alien agenda doesn’t want a real panic, so what do they do? They get Orson Welles to do War of the Worlds, get it? They cause a fake panic, expose it as a hoax, and everything goes back to normal. A couple years later, when the pictures do leak, everybody thinks it’s another hoax, but that’s the truth. And Welles uses alien film making technology to make “Citizen Kane”, you heard it here first folks. Next caller…

Jessica: Jessica from Boise, Idaho.

DJ Dan: Little known fact: Idaho itself is a hoax. What’cha wearin’ Jessica?

Jessica: My “Conspiraspy” T-shirt, DJ Dan.

DJ Dan: Ooooh, Jessica…you ask, I answer.

Jessica: What about cryogenics?

DJ Dan: Oooh, boy. Cryogenics…someone just had to go there, didn’t they? For anyone who doesn’t know already, this is how cryogenics works: you die, they freeze you…and then, the scientists of the future thaw you and cure whatever disease killed you in the first place…I swear, people are really doing this. People like, ah, Uncle Walt…frozen like the Matterhorn…people like baseball legend Ted Williams…he froze his head, I guess one day they’ll thaw Ted’s head, screw it in a robot body and the Red Sox will finally win the Series.

Tonya: Dan, the Red Sox did win the Series…about a year and a half ago.

DJ Dan: Really? I’m a geek Tonya, not a sports geek, but I can do you one better. Try this on for size: Alvar Hanso. Yeeah, conspiraspies! It’s yet another story accounting for the whereabouts of your favorite arms dealer turned maaad scientist…we’ve heard it all: Hanso’s a figurehead, your proverbial “Mr. Cluck”, he’s floating in orbit…a VIP guest on the Mir space station and so on. But this one, it comes from inside the organization. According to my source, ‘ol Alvar’s in the deep freeze in the Hanso Foundation’s lab near Phoenix, Arizona. Now this makes sense…this explains why the guy hasn’t been spotted in years. Now, I’m gonna get serious…we like to have our fun, but when it comes to the Hanso Foundation…consider this the brussel sprouts portion of the DJ Dan nutritious meal, folks. Now, if you know my show, you know that if the Hanso Foundation is doing something…it is not good. Sure, they want you to believe they’re saving humanity with their top secret science projects but…we’re smarter than that. And thanks to the hacker, Persephone, we now have proof! We all know what’s really going on, don’t we? Frozen or cooked, I don’t want you thinking for one second that Alvar Hanso and his cronies are any less dangerous. Anyway…as you can see these cryogenics people really get me. These Hanso Foundation, and their ilk, prey on the weak and the sick and I want you to SHUT IT DOWN! So my suggestion to you…stay warm, dear conspiraspy, drink a cup of cocoa…and for goodness sake, don’t freeze your head!! That’s all you got…

Announcer: You’re listening to DJ Dan, shutting down the man!

END TRANSCRIPT

Podcast 5/25

DJDan takes you to the sublymonal website and you have to put in 108

direct to May 25 podcast
REMEMBER TO TYPE IN "108" when you get the area to do so!!!

Voice-over: "Coming to you live from the Bermuda Triangle..."

Background Singers: "DJ Dan"

Voice-over: "You're listening to DJDan, shutting down the man."

DJ Dan: "Tanya, why am I in such a great mood? Do you know, can you guess?"

Tanya: "Uh, does it have something to do with yesterday's interview maybe? The fact that you shut down the man?"

DJ Dan: "Oh, Tanya. Sweet Tanya. Before I answer that, I gotta rant. Guys, I hate to tell you this, but I gotta tell you. You are OWNED! If you're like me, you're like most of the suckers who rent instead of own, lease instead of buy, use credit instead of cash. You are OWNED. 30% of you is owned by the government, and the government is owned by THE MAN. You know what I'm talking about, I'm talking global corporations, like your Widmore corportion. Companies so big, so evil, so powerful, that even when you stand up, you are picketing with signs made on their paper, while drinking coffee picked on their cocaine -- oh, ho, lordy, I mean, uh, Colombian coffee plantations. Now this is nothing new, Conspiraspies. It's been this way since way back when before Charleton Heston parted the Red Sea. So why does it feel like things have changed?"

Tanya: "Uh, because they have?"

DJ Dan: "No, SHUTDOWN. Because the stink has risen to the surface. These companies aren't even trying to hide it anymore. I want my Candlestick Park back. I want to walk through the campus of my state university and feel like I'm in that state, not the corporate headquarters of the bank that owns the business school. Which brings me to yesterday's question: Why are college students building electromagnetic superweapons? Electromagnetic superweapons, people. Here's the sitch [situation]: We've got a student, gets an astrophysics scholarship at a state school. What he doesn't know, what he couldn't know until he's there, what they don't put in the brochure next to the pictures of the cafeterias and the cheerleaders, is that he's running research simulations for classfied electromagnetic superweapons. And when he decides, 'Hey, I'm 18, I don't need to be contributing to the corporate war machine,' they pull his scholarship. They pull his scholarship. They sue him and turn his life upside down. And with nothing to lose, he comes on my show and he dishes it straight. Tanya, roll the tape."

[Tape begins.]

DJ Dan: "So, uh, you have no idea who is funding this research program?"

Interviewee: "No, I have an idea."

DJ Dan: "An idea? A theory? A CONSPIRACY THEORY?"

Interviewee: "Every week some guy picks up our simulation, so I followed one, and I lose him in the crowd outside the Widmore Corporation building."

[Tape ends.]

DJ Dan: "Uh, Stop right there, Tanya. Widmore Corporation. Do you have any idea whose offices are housed within the Widmore Corporation building?"

Tanya: "Uh, does it begin with Hanso?"

DJ Dan: "Oho, you're gettin' paid this week, Tanya. For those of you who don't know, the Hanso Foundation is one of those non-profit organizations whose sole purpose seems to be researching everything you see in a bad sci-fi movie. Now, if you're like me, you're dying to know: what are these people up to? Of course, nobody knows, not even this Persephone chick who's hacking their website, and just the same, nobody knows where that guy went in that crowd. Now, what we do know is that yesterday's show made a stink. My source on the hill says he hasn't seen senators this pissed off since the Kennedy suicide. And all of a sudden, the plug has been pulled from the weapons program. WE SHUT DOWN THE MAN! And why? Because our Hanso Foundation, our insert name of evil corporation here, they heard my interview, and this last bit made their blood run cold. Roll the tape!"

[Tape begins.]

DJ Dan: "So, uh, then what are the possible applications of this research?"

Interviewee: "Pretty much, we were asked to simulate an electromagnetic pulse strong enough to knock a space-borne body out of its recurring orbit."

DJ Dan: "Uh, space-borne body. Like what, exactly?"

Interviewee: "Like, the moon."

[Tape ends.]

DJ Dan: "Okay, that's nutty even for me. But apparently it wasn't for them. This stuff is happening folks, open your eyes. DJ Dan, shutting down the man."

Voice-over: "You're listening to DJ Dan, shutting down the man."

NO COMMERCIAL


podcast 6/1

you get directed to letyourcompassguideyou.com and you have to go to the usr/owelles
(http://www.letyourcompassguideyou.com/usr/owelles/)
USED to be a link to youtube.com video with the podcast in it while calling dan a sellout etc... NOW its just a mp3 there (DJDan6-01-Pod) the youtube.com video is GONE. The other link on owelles just takes you to the jeep compass website...dont really think it matters.

Direct link to June 1

Announcer: Coming to you live from Area 51

Singers: DJ Dan

Announcer: You're listening to DJ Dan – Shutting Down the Man

DJ Dan: Milton From Fresno, please tell me you're not still there

Milton: I'm still here DJ Dan.

DJ Dan: Tanya You're fired

Tanya: I'll leave when you start paying me

DJ Dan: Ha ha, Tanya, okay Milty, before I kick you off, you were saying something

Milton: I was saying I think Persephone is just some hacker from one of the Hanso Foundation's comptetitors.

DJ Dan: Oh, so you think the Hanso Foundation is what some kinda innocent victim in all this?

Milton: Noooo, I'm just saying, how do you know they've done anything wrong?

DJ Dan: How do I know? How do YOU know you wanna stay away from the business end of a skunk, Milty? How do you know old Mrs. Withers is gunna hand out pennies every Halloween? You just do, SHUT DOWN! Alright, time for DJ Dan 101. Don't you get it people. The Hanso foundation, their competitors? They are the man. AND THE MAN DON'T HACK THE MAN! It's simple folks: All the man wants is for you to keep working and keep kicking your hard earned wage to him and his (something) classed cronies. And I'm not talking corporations and governments. I'm talking global MEGA corporations, META governments, people who's scope goes beyond nations, beyond planets. Don't you see? If they can control what you think, what you feel, what you see, then they can do anything they want. They're hiding the truth because they know if we know what they know, we'll SHUT 'EM DOWN! So they keep us busy doing nothing. Thornton from Seattle, go ahead.

Thornton: I don't get it DJ Dan, how can you talk about the man when you're the biggest corporate sellout of all? You're website's covered in ads for Jeep, Sprite…

DJ Dan: And Monster.com, so what? If you ask me, sponsors are a pretty small concession to be made for my voice to be heard. I mean, who says I gotta wear a sackcloth and walk around barefoot to fight the man, huh?

Thonrton: These are mom and pop stores you're supportin' Dan, you've got...

DJ Dan: Sprite's a competitor! These days there's more beverages than ever, so why do I like Sprite? 'cause it's delicious… 'cause I like LYMON, 'cause saying it makes me feel cool… And what's wrong with helping American's get jobs? How do you think I got this job? Monster.com… That's what the Internet is good for conspiraspies, finding loonies like me to appeal to the hearts and minds of loonies like you. And my Jeep? I love my Jeep Compass. Do I ever go off road? No. But, do I live with a sense of security knowing my four wheel Jeep Compass will get me and my family to safety when the bombs fall and the highways buckle? You bet your ad new(?) I do! But enough of that, as long as we're teaching DJ Dan 101, I want to talk about something else. So I go to the old mailbag this morning and I find a letter from Jessica in Reno, NV and I quote: "I listened to your show on rapid weight loss, DJ Dan and I can't understand why you hate science so much."

Tanya: Oh SNAP.

DJ Dan: Oh snap, indeed, Tanya. How many times do I have to repeat, I do not hate science. It's science that let's me broadcast from the road moving from secret location to secret location with only my laptop and the wind in my, um, scalp… my trusty mike, and of course Tanya, who Lord knows is a wonder of science, herself.

Tanya: It's called the gym, DJ Dan.

DJ Dan: noooo Tanya, it's you versus gravity, according to routines established by scientists, who understand the mechanics of the human body, and what a body it is Tanya.

Tanya: Ah, shucks, DJ Dan.

DJ Dan: However, if science offered a way for me to look like Tanya, with just a snip of the genes, a wave of the scalpel, would I take that offer? No. No way, and trust me, ask my wife, she'd much rather have Tanya coming home to her than me. She says I walk heavy.

Tanya: Get carpet.

DJ Dan: That is with carpet. Look, you see Tanya? The man, people like the Hanso Foundation, they've made us think that science and technology are the answers to every single one of our problems, just push a button, it'll be okay. But it won't be okay. Jessica, to answer your question, I don't hate science. I'm afraid of science. I'm afraid of the consequences of a science that moves so fast that we don't have a chance to stop and think and analyze what's going on. We have blind faith in the people who already rendered the product we bought 5 minutes ago obsolete by rolling out version 2.0 3 minutes ago! So if I get that surgery and gene therapy and walk out looking like Tanya do they care if I melt into a hoodwinked puddle in 3 weeks? NO! 'Cause I'm lost. I'm a corporate recall. I'm an intermediary step between Tanya and the Tanya-Disco-Trip-Hop remix. And why? 'Cause I stopped asking questions. This is DJ Dan, making way for his hotter, younger replacement, DJ Dave.

Announcer: You're listening to DJ Dan. Shutting down the Man.

Jeep Compass Commercial

podcast 6/8

takes you to
http://podcast.monster.com/archives/djdan/
Last one is called "shutting down the man" thats the podcast.

DIRECT link to June 8 podcast"


ADDED: Here is what it says at the monster.com place about the podcast:
"In this podcast, conspiracy-theorist DJ Dan describes the societal and environmental effects of genetic engineering, specifically examining The Hanso Foundation.

The mega science corporations want us to believe that genetic engineering is all part of nature's master plan, and that they're bringing us a better future. But does shuffling around our DNA to make our unborn children have blue eyes instead of brown really mean a better future? DJ Dan argues these companies must realize there are consequences to their actions."

Announcer: Coming to you live from the part of you that refuses to lie down...

Singers: DJ Dan

Announcer: You're listening to DJ Dan, shutting down the man...

DJ Dan: No, no, no, no Tonya...Darwinian evolution is a lie. Intelligent design is a bigger lie to make evolution look like less of a lie. I'm sick of it and I'm shutting it down. Sarah from Cleveland, go...

Sarah: Ah, hi DJ Dan. Ah, I'm a fan, but are saying evolution is fake, like birds don't come from dinosaurs?

DJ Dan: Ah, no...I'm saying there's more to it than that. That the mega science corporations, they want us to believe that the unnatural work they're doing, their genetic engineering, is just part of "Ma Nature"'s master plan. Take the Hanso Foundation, if you're a loyal listener Sar you know I have issues with this bunch of crazy monkeys. Now I'm aware some of the stuff we talk about on the show is a little fuzzy around the edges. But the Hanso Foundation, these guys are as real a threat as we've seen, I've been saying it for years, but now...the hacker Persephone, she's serving us all up a batch of proof pudding. The Hanso Foundation, you've seen their ads...they're bringing us a better future, science is gonna save the world, blah blah blah blah blah...and I say don't believe it.

Sarah: Oh...why not?

DJ Dan: Why not? Definitely not because company founder Alvar Hanso, an arms dealer with ties to the original Atom Bomb, refuses to release any true details about any of his programs. Oh definitely not because their letch spokesman, Hugh McIntyre, refuses to say one word about their elided human rights violations. No...because everyday we become more and more advanced, we get closer to the end these Hanso Foundation "preverts" say they're gonna prevent. And genetic engineering...you know what that is? Changing our DNA to give our babies blue eyes instead of brown or to give them the know-how to juggle flaming bowling pins in the cradle...it's all a lie. Do you know what happens when you start shuffling your genes around...no...nobody does! But, I've seen those steroid cases...guys whose growth plates have turned back on...they're Neanderthals! There are consequences to our actions, people! Don't you see...they want us all to look the same...to be ashamed of who we are and where we're from...because once they've done that to us, once they've let us just give away our individuality, they're gonna swoop down from the sky and take over without a fight! Now we've got Lou from Chicago...Deep Dish Louis, convince me otherwise, come on...

Lou: Hi Dan. I think you're overreacting. I mean, look, I have a birthmark or two, one looks like a potato and the other looks like Italy...

DJ Dan: The "boot" or Sardinia?

Lou: Actually, ah, Tuscany...

DJ Dan: Good one...

Lou: But, I've always wished they...they could be more like tattoos. Couldn't we play with the DNA and give our kids some like cool birthmarks?

DJ Dan: So, so, ah, what are you talking about...maybe a family crest, a cute little bird, how about a barcode so we can keep track, huh, is that what you want?

Lou: Yeah...

DJ Dan: Well, congrats Louis, you just made my top three...DUMBEST THINGS I'VE EVER HEARD! SHUTDOWN! Who's next?

Richard: Richard from Alexandria, Virginia.

DJ Dan: Ricky Dick from Alexandria.

Richard: Listen Dan, I heard what your last caller said about the tattoos and I think people are already doing that, but with animals.

DJ Dan: And, uh...what do you mean, Dick?

Richard: I mean I was diving off the Great Barrier Reef last year and we came upon this shark, right? Its reef thing is toast (?)...and on its tail is like, ah, well not a tattoo, it's, it's like this black octagon with some word on it that starts with a "D". Thing's pretty rotted away (?)...

DJ Dan: Dick, Dick, Dick Dick Dick Dick Dick...tell me you got pictures of that shark...

Richard: Of course, I can send right over...

DJ Dan: You know what I think, Dick, I think you're CONSPIRASPY OF THE MONTH! We gotta take a break...

Tonya: Wait a minute, Dan?

DJ Dan: What?

Tonya: I've got a caller here...says he has to talk to you right now!

DJ Dan: Really? Well, what are you waiting for, Tonya, put him back on, come on... Caller, you're shutting down the man!

Man: You're going to want to be more careful, Dan.

DJ Dan: Uh, okay, and who am I speaking with?

Man: You think you can just keep taking shots at the Hanso Foundation with no fear of retaliation?

DJ Dan: Uh, once again, who are you and why are you calling me?

Man: You think you're safe to smear good people because you broadcast from different locations...like the 2nd floor motel room you're in right now off of the 5 Freeway, driving your green Jeep Compass, license plate...

DJ Dan: HEY HEY HEY, EASY THERE LITTLE TROLL...hey, hey! What's this about?

Man: It's about your fragile life, how easily it can be exposed the way you claim to expose others...

DJ Dan: That's enough, that's enough!

Man: How easily your address and your real name and where you really work and your wife...

DJ Dan: (Interrupting) No...that's enough...hey, hey...I'm not...THAT'S ENOUGH!! Hey, are you one of their goons? Is that what this is about? Well, you can tell your boss I ain't backing down! This is not the first threatening call I've gotten, buddy, not by a long shot! My real name is DJ Dan, my location is inside your web of lies, and my job is shutting you down...

Man: Dan...you've been warned...

DJ Dan: Wow, uh, uh, did you hear that Tonya? I guess we've been warned...well that was special. You didn't think there was proof before, there you have it folks. DJ Dan...I guess I better name a successor.

Announcer: You're listening to DJ Dan, shutting down the man!

(Monster.com advertisement)


PODCAST 6/14 (moved here with the others)

MANY MANY MANY thanks to wizardry_eas for transcription again! YOU ROCK WIZARD! I ALSO would like to thank Matt the pale for his entries as well!! Matt, you got a good eye for detail man!

Got it by going to www.retrieversoftruth.com and type in porter into the newsletter signup and it takes you to a forum ran by verizon employees that are aiding in getting the "truth" out about hanso. The podcast is found in the Too legit to quit post on 6/14

DIRECT LINK to June 14 podcast

Voice-over: "Coming to you live from your conscience..."

Background Singers: "DJ Dan"

Voice-over: "You're listening to DJ Dan, shutting down the man."

DJ Dan: "Mind control, people. We're talking about mind control. Come on, we all know why MDMA, and LSD, and PCP, and GHB, and LMNOP are illegal -- because the man doesn't want you to have the very weapons he's dumping in our drinking water and mac and cheese. So I ask: have you been brainwashed? Are you being brainwashed? Do you want to be brainwashed? We're taking your calls."

Caller #1: "Hi, I'm Dubuque from Albuquerque."

DJ Dan: "Yeah, you're kidding, right?"

Caller #1: "Parents can be cruel, DJ Dan. Anyway, uh, Dan, I feel like you're right. We are being brainwashed. I mean, I'm pretty close to Los Alamos and all their nuclear experiments, a-and I just feel this pressure on my brain all the time."

DJ Dan: "Yeah, uh, that, that just be your sinuses, Dubbie. Just throwing that out there."

Caller #1: "But what I'm saying here is that I-I noticed something when I, I was making my cinnamon-raisin toast. My toaster, it blocked the rays. When I was toasting, I felt as clear as day."

DJ Dan: "Fascinating, Dubuque. Turn on your toasters, people. Next caller."

Caller #2: "It's, uh, Jerry from Ontario."

DJ Dan: "Uh-oh, we got ourselves a Canook."

Caller #2: "Yeah, we come in peace. Listen, Dan, I want to say in response to what you were saying earlier about the Hanso Foundation. Do you really think they're involved in mind control?"

DJ Dan: "Tip of the iceberg, Jerry. Tip of the iceberg! It's like, 'Who are these guys?' Recap for those of you who missed it, my legion of Conspiraspies has been following the Hanso Foundation since '92, when they were forcefully ejected from the Congo. I mean seriously, to be forcefully ejected from the Congo, how bad do you got to be? What does a clown have to do to get ejected from the circus? What does a rat have to do to get ejected from the sewer? So, uh, some of my Conspiraspies went deep-sea fishing off the coast of East Asia, because, uh, they heard about our Hanso friends' little off-shore research platform. And they can't see it, but, uh, what they can see is this skinny little line sticking way up in the sky. Now what do you guys think that might be, huh? Who are we kidding? Hope you got your foil helmets on, boys and girls. Next caller!"

Caller #3: "Dan, this is Franklin. I teach bioengineering at a Big Ten University."

DJ Dan: "Hut-hut, Franklin, hike me the info."

Caller #3: "Well, what I'm worried about is nanotechnology."

DJ Dan: "Uh, nanotech-what?"

Caller #3: "Nanotechnology, it's essentially the miniaturization of machines down to the molecular level."

DJ Dan: "Oh, w-wait, w-whoa, y-you mean, you mean robots so small that they're invisible? That sounds awful. Why would anybody want to do that?"

Caller #3: "Well, there's lots of useful applications: medicine, computers. For example, you could capture billions of these nanites—"

DJ Dan: "N-nanites? Nanites? Is that geek for 'insivible tiny robots'?"

Caller #3: "Right. You could capture them in an electromagnetic field and have them float over, say, wheat fields, acting as a poison-free pesticide."

DJ Dan: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, w-what does that even look like? If a bunch of these, uh, these, uh, nano-thingies got together, what are we talking about here?"

Caller #3: "Something like a stormcloud."

DJ Dan: [Laughs.] "Okay, Frankie, you know sometimes a stormcloud is just a stormcloud. So, so wait a second, so wait a second, so, uh, you're saying these, uh, these tiny invisible robots, uh, can kill?"

Caller #3: "Yes. And they can think."

DJ Dan: "Well, you heard it folks, tiny invisible killer brains. And I was worried about the Hanso Foundation. DJ Dan, back in three. Gotta slip into my impenetrable lead suit."

Voice-over: "You're listening to DJ Dan, shutting down the man."

JUNE 16
Transcribed by BellyOfdesire
Wizardry_eas posted as a video feed at to hear the podcast

When you click on the 5/16 podcast it takes you to sublymonal.com. Enter "hello" and submit. Then click on the far left monitor and type "BigD" and you get the podcast.

Announcer: Coming to you live from the Astral** Plane
(**astro could be the word (still undesided)**)

Singers: DJ Dan

Announce: You're listening to DJ Dan Shutting Down the Man

DJ Dan: Okay, okay, okay so my little conspiraspies listen to this one there's something rotten in the state that used to be part of Denmark. I'm talkin' Iceland. I'm talkin' what's become the hottest nightlife destination north of the equator. I'm talkin' the south beach of the North Atlantic. Hey, as far as my wife knows, I've never been to Iceland, you know what I mean? I think you do. Now, if you know anything about Iceland, you know they barely have a police force. Why? These people barely know what crime is I mean they let Bjork walk the streets, right Tonya? You like Bjork?

Tonya: Wait, was she in her duck outfit?

DJ Dan: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha… You know That aside, trust me they got their share of crimes, and it's going on right under their noses and nobodies doing anything about well I'm here to change that. I'm here to talk about the unreported crimes of Iceland's very own Vik Institute Mental Hospital funded by none other than

(dramatic music)

Announcer: The Hanso Foundation

DJ Dan: Yup. The Hanso Foundation. These are the guys. You see them on TV? They're building a bridge to a glowing future of peace. They're harnessing the atom to give us nuclear genius children. You get it. They're the altruistic society of researchers started by this Alvar Hanso who used to make machines of war and apparently got hit with a case of the guilty gears and thought "Hey! I'm gunna start anew!". But you know what they say about leopards, they bite you in the neck. Or is that white tigers? I don't know. The point being what is going on at the Vik Institute? No one really knows, but thanks to the work of a hacker known only as Persephone we're starting to get a picture. We've got a disgruntled head of the hospital Doctor Armand Zander who sends a letter to Dr. Thomas Mittlewerk, Alvar Hanso's pitbull demanding what's going on at his own facility. Go to the Hanso site right now and change the hack in the Mental Health Appeal, it'll blow your mind. Right off the bat Zander calls himself a prisoner in a hall of mirrors and he goes on to talk about autistic savant patients being administered secret proprietary memory tests. I mean, just what is going on? I don't know, but I say we shut 'em down. Marissa from Trenton, go ahead!

Marissa: Hey DJ Danny, what if the Hanso Foundation really isn't up to anything at all?

DJ DAN: SHUTDOWN! Come on people! I'm reading off the darn website. Jorge from Portland how's that microbrew?

Jorge: It's all gone, DJ Dan. Dan, I'm on the page right now. I'm wondering, what's autistic savants, again? Well uh, it varies, but a lot of times they're like human calculators. Have you ever seen Rainman, Jorge?

Jorge: Ya

DJ Dan: You tryin' to be cute, Jorge?

Jorge: Ya, ha, ha, ha, ha, ya.

DJ Dan: SHUTDOWN! Tonya are you even screening these calls?

Tonya: Screening the calls.

DJ Dan: oh, come on Tonya, not you too. Okay, you're getting back at me for telling your age on the air last week, aren't you.

Tonya: Screening the calls.

DJ Dan: I said you were a young 30. Tom from Orlando, bring me the magic.

Tom: Hey DJ Dan. So, I think I've got it figured out.

DJ Dan: Do tell.

Tom: Well, I was just imagining if I'm Mittlewerk, and I'm calculating some top secret stuff.

DJ Dan: Yeah, like what.

Tom: Like, I don't know (someone in the background says nuclear fusion) Nuclear Fusion.

(Bong Noise?)

DJ Dan: (laughing) okay get on with it, come on!

Tom: I'm calculating nuclear fusion and I've got a history of getting in trouble, so the one thing I DON'T want to do or have is a data record of what I'm doing.

DJ Dan: Okay, so what you're saying here, is you you don't use a computer at all?

Tom: Exactly.. ha ha ha… I do it in my head, or in the case of the Vik Institute, I get these autistic savants to do it in THEIR head.

DJ Dan: Yeah, but the thing is with autistic savants, that you can never really know what they're actually capable of doing at see.

Tom: So I subject them to proprietary memory tests

DJ Dan: Tom… Nice! I like it! And I'm givin' your reefer stinkin' ass conspiraspy of the month! You hear that Tonya?

Tonya: Conspiraspy of the Month.

Dj Dan: Ah, can we sign up Tom as Conspiraspy of the Month.

Tonya: Conspiraspy of the Month.

DJ Dan: Tonya, please are you really that mad at me?

Tonya: Conspiraspy of the Month.

DJ Dan: Yeah, yeah, it looks like the inmates are running the asylum folks. DJ Dan, brb.

Announcer: You're listening to DJ Dan, Shutting Down the Man.